The D word

I wish I could write about how wonderful things are, but to be honest things really aren’t right now.  Yes, basically I seem to be doing okay, but emotionally I’m just void of something wonderful right now.  Every day I wake up with grand intentions, but then when I try to get going on being pulled back into inertia by some unseen force.  It’s difficult for me to explain, but I’m sure many of you kind of know what I mean.  It seems to me that I am battling with a slight case of the dreaded D word (depression).

On Monday I had an eye doctor’s appointment and then went okay.  Yes, I am going to have to try some bifocals, but that’s not going to be easy.  I’ll try to get my sister in law to take some pictures of me on my workstation so you guys can see what I’m talking about, but it’s difficult for me to read my glasses on.  Not to mention, that if I tilt back to watch television is complicated by the little lens in the bottom of the glasses.  I’ll see what I can figure out to.  Oh yeah, after the eye appointment away by the VA with the intention of trying to get an appointment with a spinal cord psychologist , because I expect now that I probably need some professional help.  The big problem was the spinal cord psychologist I knew is no longer working there and I’m going to have to go through the spinal cord doctors in order to get a consult.  I’m going to try calling him tomorrow.

Anyway, if I make some comments that are a little out of the ordinary, I do apologize.  I have been trying to avoid going on the Internet when I do feel like this, but then I tend to feel even more isolated.

Hopefully there are too many errors, because I tried to catch them.  Both of my halfway decent microphones have broken right now I am using a really inexpensive cell phone microphone which sounds like I’m in a little tunnel.  It does seem to be working okay, but I can’t come close to writing is really as I would like.

Take care everyone and I look forward to reading your blogs, if there are some new ones to read.

 

the dreaded D WORD

I wish I could write about how wonderful things are, but to be honest things really aren’t right now.  Yes, basically I seem to be doing okay, but emotionally I’m just void of something wonderful right now.  Every day I wake up with grand intentions, but then when I try to get going on being pulled back into inertia by some unseen force.  It’s difficult for me to explain, but I’m sure many of you kind of know what I mean.  It seems to me that I am battling with a slight case of the dreaded D word (depression).

On Monday I had an eye doctor’s appointment and then went okay.  Yes, I am going to have to try some bifocals, but that’s not going to be easy.  I’ll try to get my sister in law to take some pictures of me on my workstation so you guys can see what I’m talking about, but it’s difficult for me to read my glasses on.  Not to mention, that if I tilt back to watch television is complicated by the little lens in the bottom of the glasses.  I’ll see what I can figure out to.  Oh yeah, after the eye appointment away by the VA with the intention of trying to get an appointment with a spinal cord psychologist , because I expect now that I probably need some professional help.  The big problem was the spinal cord psychologist I knew is no longer working there and I’m going to have to go through the spinal cord doctors in order to get a consult.  I’m going to try calling him tomorrow.

Anyway, if I make some comments that are a little out of the ordinary, I do apologize.  I have been trying to avoid going on the Internet when I do feel like this, but then I tend to feel even more isolated.

Hopefully there are too many errors, because I tried to catch them.  Both of my halfway decent microphones have broken right now I am using a really inexpensive cell phone microphone which sounds like I’m in a little tunnel.  It does seem to be working okay, but I can’t come close to writing is really as I would like.

Take care everyone and I look forward to reading your blogs, if there are some new ones to read.

 

WTF

I’m starting to wonder whether I should give up blogging altogether. I do really miss it, but I just cannot get into WordPress.

I’ll see if anybody else is blogging quite a bit, but I doubt it.

 

I’m still around

I know many of you have been keeping up with me on Facebook, but I do plan to start blogging again once I am back in my chair and 100%. I’ve had some were skin issues, but at least we know what has caused the problem and have temporarily rectified it. I have some appointments scheduled to ascertain if I need a new cushion on the back of my chair. Right now I’m just spending a little more time in bed to make sure that I don’t have any major issues with my skin.

I should be back up in cooking with fire again next Friday, August 12.

Take care,
BP
PS I am going to get around to all of your sites, but I certainly hope the subscriptions is working now.

 

Am I the Only One

I have been trying to get on WordPress for the last couple of days, but for some reason my subscriptions will not come out. Therefore, I don’t know who is writing what. I guess I could take the time to go around and look at everyone’s site, but let’s face it I’m lazy and don’t feel like doing it right now.

Why is it when I am lying in bed watching television that I come home with wonderful ideas to write about? Those ideas, however, seem to have vanished by the time I get to the computer the next day. (Shaking my head)

 

I’m a little more than slightly embarrassed

Yes I know I haven’t been here in a considerable amount of time. Let’s just say that I haven’t been doing too well. I am physically exhausted with all the complaining I do about what’s going on, so I’m just going to say that I am starting to feel better once again. Let’s just hope it stays that way. I am optimistic I will be able to successfully get back to normal quickly.

I think my wheelchair could be causing a large part of my problems and I finally got a doctor who knew enough to refer me onto urology. So, I am on the road to rebounding to my once lofty position of being one of the healthier quads around here.

What am I embarrassed about? Well,… I had a rough morning and therefore didn’t get hardly any sleep. I called my Frau this afternoon to check on her. It seems her mother’s been going through a multitude of things, the majority being her fault. She’s an alcoholic, diabetic and a curmudgeon on top of that. She refuses to stop drinking and really doesn’t eat appropriately for her condition. Right now she’s in the hospital and my Frau was telling me about all of the issues that are plaguing them right now.

While she was droning on, much like me when I start complaining about all of my problems, I was having trouble concentrating and comprehending what she was saying. Things are a little different over there in Germany. Anyway, I listened for about 25 minutes and threw in the suitable yeah and yes’ where I thought they were appropriate. Finally I hear this strange question and then I realize I had been asleep for a least five minutes while she was continuing to vent. I was so embarrassed. I told her I had only had about three hours sleep and for some reason I haven’t been able to get hardly any over the last several weeks. Thankfully she understood. I think the only thing worse would have been if I fell asleep while having sex. I don’t know if that’s possible for a male to do, but I’m sure the women have done it at one time or another.

 

Not Much Going on

I really hate to get on here and blog, because it seems like all I ever do is complain lately. I’m still having some bladder issues, but for the most part I have it under control if I don’t recline my chair too far forward and if I have my sister-in-law secure my catheter to my belly. Today I ran into a lot of little difficulty because I decided to recline the chair forward. I was having difficulty driving the chair effectively, but then I started to have problems with the catheter. Tomorrow I will try to adjust everything before my sister-in-law heads out the door. Right now I’m not feeling too bad because I have reclined the chair back, but it is a little more hard to handle when I’m driving around the house.

It’s unbelievable, but I have finally gotten through the UTI. Unfortunately my entire family must have caught some small bug. We were all feeling a little under the weather, but after staying down yesterday I seem to be rebounding pretty well. I can’t wait to get everything back to normal again. I just don’t seem to be getting out as much as I used to have this really annoys me.

There is a bit of good news here, my bowels have finally started to get back to normal. Most people won’t believe this, but I had to severely cut back on my fiber. This has helped with the burning sensation and bowel pains, but it hasn’t eliminated all of the difficulty. It is nice to have only one or two bad days a week as opposed to one or two good days every few weeks.

My niece was really excited to cook for us on her birthday, but I had to throw a wet blanket on things by not liking the vegetarian lasagna she made. Yes, she is turned into a quasi-vegetarian who doesn’t eat meat, but will still eat seafood. The lasagna was pretty good, but the ingredient which was supposed to take the place of the meat was eggplant. I did eat one and a half pieces, so she didn’t say I didn’t try. I’m going to scour the Internet to see if I can come up with a really good vegetarian casserole so we can have that for parties.

Well, I guess I’ll see you all later. I’m trying to get around everyone’s site, but I just haven’t been in the mood lately. Seems like I’m not the only one.

 

I don’t want to jinx myself

Every time I think I’m getting better and then write about it, I backslide. I have been doing better lately, although I am still having a lot of bladder pain. I do, however, think it’s getting a little better. Today is not nearly as bad as the previous couple of days and I don’t have the aches and pains any longer.

It’s really strange. I keep waking up in the morning with my kidneys hurting and aches and pains in my shoulders and neck. Once I get some water in me, actually a lot of water, I begin to feel better.

I have been doing quite a bit or reading, whenever I feel like it. But I have been doing a much more TV watching. I came across some really fantastic shows and I am going to tell you about them. There is a new series on AMC, the Killing, which I haven’t checked out yet. I have, nonetheless, looked at what people are been saying and it seems to be pretty positive. When I read a few of the comments I noticed this show was based on a Danish series. So, being addicted to get television crime drama, I decided to download an episode and check it out. It was close captioned, which I usually hate, but I watched the first episode and I was addicted. I downloaded the next couple thinking I would finish up the first murder and then I would start watching the American series. Well, it wasn’t until I was three episodes in that I discovered the entire first season is about one murder.

Sure there were some plot holes here and there, but I have to tell you it ranks up in my top five best television series of all time. That includes HBO, Showtime and all the others I’ve seen over the years. If you’re interested let me know. Send me a direct message though.

I’ll include some comments from other people so you can get an idea that I’m not the only one who feels this way. I had no idea the Danish film industry was so darn good. For me to watch that many shows in a foreign language was unthinkable a couple of weeks ago. All I kept thinking while I was watching it was, “my mother would have loved this.” It was a bittersweet moment for me. Not a day goes by.

Take care everyone,
Billy
PS I am a bit more optimistic. So there is that.

 

Frustrated

I haven’t written about all that has been going on with me lately. Let’s just say that I have been suffering from a UTI. At least that’s what has been going on. Now I am thinking it might possibly be a small virus also.

I was feeling pretty darn decent Thursday, but yesterday I had a bit of a back slide. Something to do with the position of my chair aggravated my bladder and caused me to begin to feel achy once again. I really wish they wouldn’t have put in this recline feature, I was very satisfied with the tilt mode only. Every since they have put this in I have had nothing but problems with my bladder and even a few instances of skin compromise. Thankfully I have been able to nip the skin problems in the bud, but the bladder has been a persistent pain.

Tonight I will be having my brother sterilized everything that I put into my mouth in the hopes that I am not reinfecting myself with some sort of a virus.

I just can’t wait to get back on my feet again. Well, you know what I mean.
PS sorry haven’t been getting around to your sites, but I have been trying to keep up with people on Facebook. Even though I don’t particularly care for Facebook.

 

16 years and counting

I had planned on writing a pretty detailed entry, but the bladder problems I was having yesterday were so bad that they have continued into today.  I do, however, think the remedy is possibly going to work.  Unfortunately I am starting to think that I might have contracted a UTI.  I guess I’ll check the urine tonight to see if there are too many white blood cells in it.  If so then I’ll go turn a sample and tomorrow.

The further I am separated from that terrible day, the less it really matters anymore.  It has really helped considerably that I have been celebrating the day I got off the respirator, August 8, 1995, instead of concentrating on the day I was hurt.  Accentuate the positive has definitely been a good thing for me.

Keep your fingers crossed.
BP